Letters to God - Fear
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LETTERS TO GOD -- FEAR
After two failed marriages, I hit a low point in my life. Within a month of my second husband leaving, our house was sold and my beloved only child, Randy, went across the country to attend Georgetown University. As a teacher, I transferred to a new school and grade level where I knew no one, I moved into an apartment that didn’t allow pets, and I gave my silky terrier to my mother. My new apartment number was 9-1-1 and I needed all the help I could get. My lower level apartment among many trees resembled a cave into which I retreated at the end of each day. I prayed that God would show me His will and teach me to obey. I spent hours writing letters to God in my journal and, sometimes, even writing His answers that would be revealed to me as I meditated.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I need your solace and peace in this difficult situation. I feel so worthless and ineffectual, yet I feel a wisdom, and a patience, and a lack of self-pride, which must come from you, as I can’t claim it as mine. I wish I could see your plan for our lives. Everything looks so hopeless now. Please guide me. What do I need to do?
You and your world are so great, and I am so small – who am I that you care, but you do. I feel your care, and I’m so thankful. I know you have a wonderful plan for my life. Please open it one day and one step at a time – and keep me from getting in the way.
Thank you for your word today about King Solomon asking for wisdom. Help me to see how I should ask so that I may improve during this crisis and not fall victim to the world and my worldly desires. Be with Randy and help me explain things to him. Keep him in your paths. Give me wisdom to continue guiding him in your way. Thank you for your hand on him thus far. Thank you for letting me have him for a while.
Wait on me and my timing.
It’s OK to improve yourself.
Don’t be afraid to be alone. I’ll be with you.
I love you!!
Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed; for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness. (Read Isaiah 41)
I have refined you, but not with silver; I have chosen you in the furnace of affliction. I am the Lord your God, who teaches you to profit, Who leads you by the way that you should go. (Read Isaiah 48)
Letter to God – New Beginning (August 1984)
Dear God, This is the beginning of the second half of my life – the beginning of a new life. Please be with me and guide me. Help me to learn from the past. Give me a wisdom I have lacked, a love for others (without so much concern for myself), an optimism and enthusiasm for the future, and a closeness to you.
Thank you for all you have given me – family and friends who love me, a beautiful son, a good job, enough money, health, looks, enough brains, an okay personality, and my faith in you.
I would like to think I am a clean slate that I can dedicate to you to use as you wish, but in reality, I am me – a total of my past experiences and a special person created by you. So you’re going to have to meet me where I am, and use me as I am, because that’s ME and I guess you knew what you were doing when you made me.
I need a home where I can be happy and where I can grow this year. I need a church where I can grow, pray, study your word, have a support group, some social life, and find joy and understanding. I need friends. I need to get financially stabilized. I want to get my life organized and grow spiritually and relationally.
Thank you for being there. Be with everyone I love. Thank you for loving me so I can love myself – and others – and you.
Letter to God – Trust (January 1985)
It’s been a while since I’ve taken time to write you a note. Thanks for being there whenever I call and not being too busy to listen. How do you do it? How can I learn to do it?
I praise you for your loving care. Thank you for protecting Randy and me. Please continue to do so. Lead me in your ways. Give me discernment to know what is your way and what is not.
Please keep me in your paths. I love you and I need your love.
I need you in my life. I mess things up in my own wisdom. Thank you for caring and for providing. Thanks for friends.
It was wonderful having family over the holidays. I have a better feeling of who I am, although it also intensifies the loneliness now that they’re gone. Thank you Lord for hope and joy in the future. Help me to be patient and to trust in your timing.
I love you, Nancy
Nancy, be patient. I have a wonderful plan for you, but there is much to do to ready you, and lots of healing that needs to take place. I love you dearly.
Nancy, I love you. I shed my own blood for you to make you clean. You are new, so believe it is true. You are lovely in my eyes, and I created you to be just as you are. Do not criticize yourself or get down for not being perfect in your own eyes. This leads only to frustration. I want you to trust me, Nancy, and take one day at a time. Dwell in my power and love and be free. Be yourself. Don’t allow other people to run you.
I will guide you if you will let me. Be aware of my presence in everything. I give you patience, love, joy, and peace. Look to me for answers. I am your Shepherd and will lead you. Follow me only. Do not ever forget this. Listen and I will tell you my will. I love you, Nancy. I love you! Let it flow from you, spilling over to all you touch.
Be not concerned with yourself; you are my responsibility. I will change you without you hardly knowing it. You are to love yourself and to love others simply because I love you. Take your eyes off yourself; look only to and at me. I lead, I change, I make, but not when you’re trying; I won’t fight your efforts.
You are mine, Nancy. Let me have the joy of making you like me. Let me give you joy, peace, and kindness. No one else can. You’re not your own. You have been bought with blood and now belong to me. Your only demand is to look to me and only me, never to others. Don’t struggle. Relax in my love. Stop trying. Let me make you what I want. My will is perfect, my love sufficient. Look to me.
I love you Nancy.
I beseech you as a pilgrim to abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul. If you want to do great things for the Kingdom, begin by obeying Me in the small things. I love you.
Thank you for your strength and encouragement!
I say, “yes” to the future!
I am tired of feeling stressed about things I have no control over.
I can make positive decisions about how to live each day.
I can turn to You and other Christians for guidance and strength.
I can plan for the future so I always have things to look forward to.
I can love myself and take good care of myself, while loving others at the same time.
I will not let myself get pulled down emotionally by the depression of others.
I will take time to strengthen myself in You so I can reach out to others.
I will face the future with hope.
To all that shall be – Yes!
Thank you Lord for your blessings.
Help me be the best that I can be.
Keep the commandments.
Have pity on the poor and give to them.
Seek counsel of Christians.
Fear the Lord.
Cease listening to worldly knowledge.
Read the Bible daily.
Pray on your knees daily.
Wake up on time.
Drink water, not alcohol.
Eat fruit, vegetables and grains.
Reach out to others.
On the eve of my 49th birthday…
Only you can count the number of my days, but I feel I have 15 productive years left. Give me a vision for those years. Use me for your glory. I have read through your word this past year and am condemned by my lack of obedience and my waste of time and energy. Take away my uncertainties and fears. Give me positive direction. Help me be positive with others. Help me be content where you have put me, and use my discontent to help me grow into the person you would have me be.
You are so gracious unto me. You know my inward parts, thoughts, and struggles. You love me and have an excellent plan for me. Give me your peace. Help me to walk in your ways. I can’t do it on my own.
Fill me with your love.
I’m tired of illness, depression and old things. I crave lightness, hope, health and future. Help me to get rejuvenated and to pass my energy on to those about me.
Go thy way; thy faith has made thee well!
Thank you for calling me to write about my life.
Thank you for the life you have given me.
Show me thy ways, O Lord; Teach me thy paths. Lead me in the truth and teach me; For thou art the God of my salvation; On thee do I wait all the day. (Psalm 25:4)
The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. (Psalm 18:2)
As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proved; He is a shield to all those who trust in Him. (Psalm 18:30)
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